Images: Chad Bandit, No Red Alice, Rayner and more June 6, 2015 at The Dive

I think Sal Giordano has figured it out the perfect recipe for a show.

First, start at 5 p.m., because we’re getting old, and we can’t afford the 4 Americanos our bodies require to get up for work after a late show.

Add piping hot free pizza, and set everything at a bar so people can wash it all down with ice cold beer (or 16.9 oz. of free water, as I prefer).

Have ¼ of The Quitters, Tom Carr, go on promptly at 5:30 p.m. and include new songs and an Against Me! cover.

Follow up right way with ⅕ of Eliza Battle. Have Nick Shelton throw in a remix and up things to ⅖ if your recipe is lacking in the Chris Bitoni department.

Have the host (Giordano, aka No Red Alice) go on next, and be sure he does a Gaslight Anthem cover to get the singalong going.

Then, bring in someone from out of town for added mystery flavor. Portland’s Chad Bandit will provide his own bad jokes.

Finally, mix things up with ⅗ of Rayner, still aromatic from an earlier gig and playing on borrowed equipment. Mix in a Bouncing Souls cover and a newly minted, drunken fan for good measure.

Let this bake for 4 hours, ensuring that the show is over by 9:30 so we can all go home, floss our teeth and go to work the next morning.

I think after this gig, we can start referring to Giordano as the punk rock Julia Child.

-Emily Matview | https://www.flickr.com/photos/holdfastnow/